Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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