OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
