Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
