Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
