I just cut my nipple shaving
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
