You just made me feel so damn special
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
