this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There r osticjed everywhere
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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