Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
