Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
