So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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