Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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