Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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