Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize