Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
