Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
