yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
