Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
