My friends, they love my intelligence
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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