I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
