I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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