bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to calm my uterus...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
