Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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