Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
