Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize