We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
