Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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