I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
