My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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