Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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