that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
