Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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