I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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