Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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