Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
