Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
