wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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