I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
