if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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