Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
a search helicopter?!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
