why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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