apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize