i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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