i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
