True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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