I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
