Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
