i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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