party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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