Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
