Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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