walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
