I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
