We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
