dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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