there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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