I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
