party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is my gift to your gina
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
