I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
