But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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