under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
