Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
