Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
