apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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