I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
