my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize