I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
zippers are such a cool invention
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
