You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
