About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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