it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
