Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
