help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
