I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
