he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize