fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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