you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
