Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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