I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize