Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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