Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
