I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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