Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
