What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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