We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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