Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
