I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
