i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
