The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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