there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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